It’s time to grab yourself a coffee, for a long post about me communing with my Grandmother, is coming up following on from the Tarot Blog Hop.
Mentioning either of my Grandmothers is usually a cause for me to spit with some distaste. Whilst my children know exactly whom their grandparents are, I really do not recall mine. I couldn’t pick them out of a Police line up. They were there, clearly, as my parents are their children, but it was more a case of name only. The faces behind the names weren’t known, I hadn’t seen or spoken with them since before I was eight years old, leaving Scotland behind (for a lot of good and difficult reasons).
Yet, for a while, I know my deceased maternal has wanted to chat with me. Usually, she visits my sister and I get messages from her that way. Though, my dear sister learnt quite quickly that I’m not always receptive to any of my grandmother Mary M’s messages. (Both my grandmothers are called Mary, so I use Mary M to distinguish her as my mother’s mum, so you know)
However, as part of the Tarot Blog Hop, we were asked to commune, communicate and commemorate with our ancestors and since Mary M won’t leave me alone (even though I’ve been trying to avoid her for a few years) I decided now was the time to get “our wee chat” out-of-the-way.
I sit before the wood burner, that roars into the night. The room is warm, silent, quiet with just the dog before the fire, the Wildwood Tarot deck to hand and my huge footstool to lay my cards upon.
To represent and invite Mary M, I drew The Ancestor card first. The others I drew in answer to the questions I asked her. I advise you now, some of my questions to her can be sharp, but since she was one of the many reasons I got dragged away from Scotland, I feel I’ve a right to be a wee bit curt with her.
My first question: What were you thinking? I know she died of heart failure, bought on by excessive drinking. I also know she was part of the reason we left Scotland. Could she not see the harm she was helping perpetrate? The card I pulled out was the Knight of Vessels, represented in the Wildwood by the eel. I believe via this card, that she wasn’t thinking. She got lost in the ruin (mothers ruin / gin) and couldn’t drag herself away, or put up much of a fight. This Card has he elemental assignments of Earth of Water, but I’m reading this in reverse of Water of Earth. Emotions ruled before common sense and emotions continued to rule, the head didn’t get much a chance to get out of the alcoholic fog.
I recall now an incident, when I was much younger. I had the chance to sneak a fair few alcoholic drinks from the parental liquor cupboard. Occasionally, I did, but I remember stopping myself one night (or one of the voices inside my head shouted stop) and me vowing to never be like “her” (Mary M). I am aware I have an addictive personality and the best way for me to get over something, is to never actually start. (I never smoked as a result, because I knew I’d never quit). She was alive at that point in my life, so it wasn’t her that stopped me.
My next question: I’m told you read tea leaves. Why did you stop? The answer comes in the form of the Ten of Stones, Home. She did it to protect the home. Protect it from whom, I wonder? Neighbours? The Church? (This would be in the 1960’s and a very Roman Catholic part of Glasgow, so… ) I wonder if her husband, my grandfather, had something to say about it? I pulled a quantifier and the Eight of Bows… Well, there’s my answer, family disapproved. Whether they be brothers, sisters, her parents, my grandfather’s parents, husband, I don’t know. But, the pressure from the Clan was enough to call it quits.
My third question: You’ve been hovering around for a while, what did you want to tell me? The Nine of Arrows, dedication, comes up as the answer. Wow, I didn’t actually expect a word of encouragement from my Grandmother. I really expected blame and a huge argument, awkward cards. But if there’s any indication from the other side that I’m actually doing what I’m meant to be doing, this is it. Like anyone, I have my self doubts, but I try to not feed the ego wolf, but feed the id wolf instead. It seems to be working and I am certainly on the right path! Keep going and keep being dedicated to it is the message I read here.
What action do you suggest I take? is my fourth question. For this I get the 4 of Cups in answer. Boredom? Seriously? What the heck do you mean by that?! That I stay doing just this? Give up? Or to not get bored and not waste my energy? There’s inspiration around this lady in this card, there is around me; I know, I’ve three of them!
Reading the book (as this card really did throw me in reply to that question!) the last sentence drew my eyes. It reads: “Challenge should not be feared; opportunity should be grasped and utilized to its natural limit”. That, as an answer, I can take.
Okay, you’ve helped me out, so what can I do for you, Grandmother? The Knight of Bows (my daughters favourite card) comes up in answer and I’m wondering just what to make of this card in this position? Foxes are clever, they’re savvy, street smart, determined. As I said above, I never really knew Mary M. Maybe these were qualities she had, but never used. Foxes are able to change paths at a moments notice, their cleverness can guide you towards fulfilment. Does this mean I will sense you around again? I know another ancestor who is around me and mine, dislikes that idea, which is why I’ve had to clear the space and air to talk with you this evening. I guess time will tell on that score! But perhaps I need to be as ambivalent to Mary M as I am to foxes? I’d love your views on this, readers!
Last question, then I shall let you go. What are your final thoughts? The Queen of Arrows comes up in the last card and I know from previous blog posts, that Swans are great gliders, but their huge webbed feet do all the hard work under the water. I feel a sense of a lot of hard work coming my way (not sure how I feel about that, but hey, I’m a mum of three, I should expect it!) but work I can take in my stride, with grace and style. I’d like to think, Audrey Hepburn, eat you heart out, but I think it’s more than that. I’ll have to let you know, post event. Swans are also very protective of their young when danger looms. Don’t think I need any assistance in that regards, but if it’s on offer…
Thank you for staying with me for well over a thousand words, and just a few more to say thank you to Aj Brokaw at the 4 of Wands Blog for their Ancestor Spread blog post, where some of my questions came from (as I didn’t know exactly what to ask Mary M).
Thanks also to AniaM for the fabulous Wildwood Reading cloth, my sister for the opening gambit question (isn’t she fabulous?!) and to the creators of the Wildwood (Mark, John & Will) for creating such a wonderful tool!