This week, I address another question from my wonderful readers. Why won’t they apologise?
Being sorry, saying it, acting it, isn’t always easy. Sometimes, you have to utter that small, important word, to start making things right again.
Sorry, has to be one of the smallest words in the dictionary that is the hardest to say. Not the word “No”. That’s more powerful but far easier to say than this five letter contribution. Even my daughter had the word “no” down to pat at two years old. I went and had a little Google search for the history of this word and it seems to come from the Dutch. Typical English, it can’t claim it as its own! (That’s the beauty of the English language, it can absorb cool words from other languages, look up havering, as an example.)
It comes from and can highlight a lot of things; it can show that there’s something wrong that needs fixing and we’re not talking about a burst pipe here. The “something wrong” could be someone’s feelings or their ego. It could also be that something has happened that is beyond their control and to feel empathy, the word sorry or “I apologise” is said in a heartfelt way. The word sorry (and variants) are used in so many ways, some sincerely, others not so much. It’s sometimes served up as a platitude.
What do the cards say about why won’t they apologise? Here’s the storyboard I created for this question:
- What’s stopping them?
- What do I need to avoid doing?
- What do I need to do?
What’s stopping them? The Stag. When I look at this, I see a mixture of pride and a belief that they’re actually right. Of course, that depends on their perspective, and there’s often more than one right answer, depending where you’re looking at the situation from. They don’t feel they are the ones that need to offer an apology, in fact, they may believe that you’ll come around to their way of thinking. Eventually.
What do I need to avoid doing? The Lynx likes to observe and listen, but it can be done in such a way that makes people uncomfortable. I feel that the advice here is to just walk away, give them time and not wait for a response or a platform to allow them to continue their train of thoughts. You may turn into a skeleton before they apologise.
What do I need to do? Be generous! Does it really matter if they say sorry? If they don’t then it says more about them than you. Consider the possibility that the apology needs to be two ways, with someone offering the olive branch first. Be generous to yourself too. Not everyone has such a generous, deep heart as yours.
So my insights (late as they are) come to an end. I hope this spread is of help to you and if you see something in the cards I don’t, leave a comment, I love seeing new and different perspectives! With blessings